Sheena but a victim of disorder !

What is the nature of my thought that when it ceases there is complete attention and when there is no attention it arises all on its own ? One has to understand what is to be “aware” otherwise one will not be able to understand completely the full significance of “attention”.

Is there an idea of “awareness” or is one always aware ? i sincerely feel there is a difference. the “idea” of being aware and “being” aware. Aware means to be sensitive , to be alive , to nature, to people, to colour , to the big green trees, to relationships, to the boisterous external , to be aware “outwardly” of all that is happening in this dramatic world around us and finally to be aware to what is happening “inside”. To be aware is to be sensitive, to know , to observe, what is happening inside psychologically and also what is happening outside, environmentally , economically , socially etc. Therefore, i begin by being aware of what is happening outwardly , and then i moves inward , like the ebb and flow of a tide, there is constant movement.

And this is what i ask myself each morning when i wake up…. how is one to know “yourself” ? “yourself” is a very complex structure , a very complex movement. How am i to know myself so that i do not deceive myself ? Perhaps i tell myself , i can only know myself in my relationship to others , a sure beginning . And in my very personal belief in this outward relationship to others I may withdraw from them anytime because i do not want to be hurt ( by even my immediate loved ones ) and in this close relationship i may discover that i am often too involved , wee jealous, often dependent and often attached .So relationships act as a mirror in which i begin to know myself.It is the same thing outwardly , the outer is a reflection of my inner self. I am now conscious of this movement.

And then to find out what awareness is i must then go into the question of order and disorder. I see outwardly that there is a great deal of disorder , confusion and uncertainty. what has brought about this uncertainty , this disorder , who is responsible? are we directly ? are we responsible for this disorder outwardly , or is it some divine disorder out of which some divine order will come ? So if one feels responsible for the outward disorder then is it not that disorder is an expression of one’s own disorder ?

One observes that disorder outwardly is created by my disorder inwardly. The world is in disorder because we are in disorder, each one of us. Is one “aware” of one’s disorder or has one but a “concept” of disorder ?Is one aware that one is in disorder or is it merely an idea which I have suggested and you have accepted the same.

I then will let each one of you realize that Sheena Mukherjea is but a victim of the disorder within each one of us. We are all in a disarray and we need to be aware of the deep disorder in our beings to then give ourselves the attention we deserve.

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